Perception

When the sun's behind the cloud, does that make the sun dark?
"Perception is reality" is a half truth, just a start
For when my sky is clouded over, the black is what I see
But despite the blackness on the earth, the sun shines merriliy.

I haven't written prose in awhile...

He rocked back and forth on his bed, knees to his head.

"I didn't want it to end like this."

"No one ever does."

He looked up for a second, and through the deep shadows concealing his eye sockets she could barely sense the glimmer of tears. He sniffed, and wiped his hands over his cheeks roughly. He looked away.

"Yeah, what do you know about anything?"

She looked down at her feet. The soles were black with soot.

"I know a little," she said quietly.

He stopped rocking.

The soot was thick on her shoes. She scraped her feet together, right over left, trying to clear some of it away. To make them clean again. She just found more layers of soot. When she looked up, he was staring at her, eyes barely visable in the deep shadows of his eye sockets, poking out just above his knees which he still clung to, tight against his chest. His face was dark, part from the shadows, and part from the smoke and debris. She tilted her head and looked curiously at him for a moment, and then sighed and looked back down at her shoes.

"I didn't want to die alone," he whispered.

"Don't ever say anything like that again!" she snapped at him, eyes suddenly full of fire. "Don't ever say anything so horrible. You're not alone. You've never been alone."

I feel alone, his eyes said to her.

"I feel alone."

She was quiet for a minute, looking back at her shoes.

"I know," she said, finally.

He buried his face in his knees again, gripping his legs hard against his small wiry chest as he gasped breath in through clenched teeth.

"Why do bad things happen to good people?" he asked finally, forcing the words out through aching lungs.

She sighed and put a hand up to her forehead, as if the slight pressure could help her think.

"It's the bittersweet. No one really wants a perfect life. It's too boring. If there's no risk, there's no adventure. If there's nothing to lose, there's nothing to gain."

"That's bullshit."

"Maybe..." and she was still for a moment. Then finally, "but it's the only way you can be free. Freedom and fairness don't seem to coexist very well in this world."

But he wasn't listening. His eyes were closed now.

Tonight's introspection

Romanticized bullshit swirls in, out, and around me
Oozes out my ears
Fills my mouth
Gagging
Gagging.

I'm swimming in it.

Blue

I see the rain
Pitter pattering, splattering the windshield
Blue street light. Sad. Surreal.
Drops dripping down glassy night
Dark microcosm in my eye
Headlight in the distance turns to taillight long gone
Deep rumbling motor turns to whisper windsong
And we are alone
The radio lets off a lusty low moan
Midnight woman in husky baritone
You can feel the soul
Side of the road
Blue drops falling like soft blue snow
Like dark blue notes
Jazz played softly by the rain on the road
Blue and slow
Watery scat solo
I lean in to kiss you
So so slow
And just for a second it's all that I know
Your watery face, your blue tinted lips
And just for that second, an improvised kiss

Insomnia and pretty eyes

I'm having trouble sleeping
Cause you're, cause you're, cause you're
In my mind, repeating.
It feels like bleeding
A nuclear bomb heating
Or maybe it feels like exactly what I'm needing
Anyways, hear the sheep bleating
As I'm counting
Oneing, twoing, threeing, threeing...

My grumblings against shallow, foolish people called Christians.

Am I wrong in saying that the modern church does little to point non-believers to God?

Allow me to speak in stereotypes that all will understand.

The modern Christian has a holier-than-thou attitude. He clings desperately to rules of morality, as though these rules of morality will make him better than other people, and in doing so will secure his place in heaven. He disregards the fact that this directly disagrees with the Christian fundamentals of God's grace and mercy.

The modern Christian song is a sermon. I recently realized how hollow this is when I heard a wonderful song by a band called Cursive that spoke of how there is no God and we should all get used to it. Obviously, if someone disagrees with such a song, such blunt lyrics are not going to convert them. But a song like "Jesus Christ" by Brand New, where someone who I believe to be non-Christian (correct me if I'm wrong) is struggling with his own beliefs is much more human, much more real, much more honest. And a song like that causes all people to look inside themselves, no matter what they believe.

The modern Christian is generally Christian because their parents were, or because it makes them feel better about themselves, or because it looks good to the public. The modern Christian has no depth to their belief. In fact, the modern Christian has no depth to any belief. The modern Christian (as opposed, I've noticed, to the modern atheist) has little interest in studying philosophy or religion, because they believe to already know the truth and have little need for questioning it.

But interestingly, the modern Christian seems to have little interest in studying the bible as well. So the truth they believe they have is one they know very little of.

In essence, the modern Christian is shallow, hypocritical, and conceited. Which are three antoyms to the God they claim to emulate.

And the modern Christian doesn't care.


And I write this as a Christian. Where did we go so wrong?

I'm a wildebeast, beset on all sides

With wild wildebeast moans
I feel so alone
With all the grass and dusty dirt paths
Stumbling onward like drunks. calls. lasts.
Forest and vines and wicked moonlight
Wandering, foolishly lost at midnight
And something ain't right
God damn fight or flight
I'm juiced like a naked-chick shaped neon light
Flickering but bright
Turn me on like your red light
Leave me turned on for sin-filled nights
But leave me alone and I'll die
Somewhere out in the forest of lies
Eaten alive